Part 1: When love comes from blood
Now I am a fervent believer in the power of love.
When one day I woke up in the morning, tired of living, while I felt that I was only breathing and my heart was beating because they had to do it, but not because I wanted to, I decided to look for something that would give me back the strength that, perhaps I had lost (“if it is that one day I had it, “I thought.)
I believe that there is no age to say whether or not we have reasons to be sad or depressed, because while my problem is difficult for me, for you it may be something different. Human beings are unique and each one different from the other, also at different stages of our lives, problems or the feeling of darkness can always appear. A problem for you may not be a problem for me.
After a few months of getting out of bed even though I didn’t want to, I felt that my parents had gotten tired of my attitude, and I was tired myself but I didn’t understand why I felt so weak. I thought it was better not to be in this world, maybe better for me and for others, but my parents weren’t tired of me, they were worried, hurt … When my father sat next to me and hugged me to tell me what I meant to him, also what he was willing to do for me, I cried instantly (something I just remembered because I always avoid thoughts like that), I saw that his love was there and he asked me to fight. My mother saved me every day, she always saves me, every day.
It was there when I, because of the love I felt (and feel) for them, decided to fight, to change with all my strength that feeling of non-existence, my soul wanted to return …
Part 2: When love comes from rejection
The Gia who was starting over again, now had to love what she saw in her bedroom mirror. Each one of us is so unique and our existence is so different and exceptional … is it that we should not love each part of us? Is it that we are not special?
If you really know and love what you are and who you are, no one will be able to tell you that “you can’t” or that “you don’t deserve it.”
This is one of the most powerful loves for me, maybe one of the first on my list. Probably one day I didn’t love myself enough to say “I don’t want this”, maybe one day I accepted a mistake that was not mine, maybe one day I didn’t defend myself, maybe I allowed others to hurt me and in that way, I hurt myself … can we avoid our broken hearts? No. Can we have fewer moments of broken hearts and more moments of joy? Yes.
Everything is in our decisions, and these decisions come from within you, from your love and trust in yourself.
It’s me and it’s you, we’re the only ones who decide where we’re going and how much value we give ourselves.
Part 3: When Love comes from Love
The first time he said he loves me, he saved me. He saves me many times in a day, every day.
“Do those beautiful eyes that you have, see me that way?”
“Do you really love me like that?”
The first time these questions popped into my mind I couldn’t believe it. It had taken me so long to see myself as someone valuable and strong, for so long I felt that I could not be special, not for myself or anyone. I have told him that sometimes my thoughts play against me and I feel that I am not doing well, this life, my life … He knows that unconscious thoughts appear but … I am not alone. Yes, sometimes I feel like I’m falling but I’m not alone. Every word from him, every show of love, his existence alone elevate me beyond what I could imagine, then I no longer keep falling, then I am flying.
His love is my greatest treasure. I never believed in the connection at a distance or a connection between two hearts, a special connection … What I never believed before, now exists for me. I didn’t think I could completely trust another person, but with him, it was so easy and I love it. I did not believe that love in the real world was so deep and wonderful, as if it were a movie or book … but with him, it is. With him, I feel that from black and white to color, I became.
I could have had a day with problems, a bad day, but if I listen to his voice, see his face or read his beautiful words, the sun rises and I have the light that illuminates my heart; I have him.
He heals me, he shelters me, he completes me, he hugs me, he kisses me, he loves me…
And I… I love him insanely.
He is the Love to me.
He is Chris.
I love you, love, love absurdly, foolishly, lost, enlightened, dreaming roses and inventing stars and saying goodbye going to your side.
Jaime Sabines.